Those Words given by A Father That Rescued Me when I became a First-Time Father

"I think I was just in survival mode for twelve months."

Former Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey expected to handle the demands of fatherhood.

Yet the truth rapidly turned out to be "utterly different" to what he'd imagined.

Severe health complications during the birth resulted in his partner Louise being hospitalised. Suddenly he was forced into acting as her primary caregiver as well as looking after their infant son Leo.

"I handled all the nights, every nappy change… every stroll. The duty of both mum and dad," Ryan explained.

Following nearly a year he became exhausted. That was when a talk with his own dad, on a park bench, that made him realise he required support.

The simple phrases "You are not in a good spot. You need assistance. In what way can I assist you?" paved the way for Ryan to express himself truthfully, look for assistance and regain his footing.

His story is not uncommon, but rarely discussed. While people is now better used to discussing the stress on moms and about postpartum depression, less is said about the difficulties fathers encounter.

Asking for help is not weak to seek assistance

Ryan thinks his difficulties are part of a wider inability to open up among men, who often internalise harmful perceptions of manhood.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the harbour wall that just gets hit and stays upright time and again."

"It is not a display of failure to ask for help. I was too slow to do that quick enough," he explains.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist who studies mental health surrounding childbirth, notes men frequently refuse to accept they're finding things difficult.

They can think they are "not justified to be asking for help" - particularly in preference to a mother and child - but she highlights their mental state is just as important to the household.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad gave him the chance to request a pause - spending a couple of days away, away from the family home, to get a fresh outlook.

He came to see he needed to make a change to pay attention to his and his partner's emotions alongside the logistical chores of looking after a infant.

When he shared with Louise, he saw he'd missed "what she was yearning" -reassuring touch and paying attention to her words.

Reparenting yourself'

That epiphany has transformed how Ryan sees parenthood.

He's now composing Leo letters each week about his experiences as a dad, which he wishes his son will see as he gets older.

Ryan thinks these will assist his son to more fully comprehend the expression of emotional life and make sense of his parenting choices.

The concept of "parenting yourself" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen lacked stable male a father figure. Despite having an "incredible" relationship with his dad, long-standing trauma caused his father had difficulty managing and was "coming and going" of his life, complicating their connection.

Stephen says bottling up emotions caused him to make "poor decisions" when in his youth to change how he felt, turning in alcohol and substances as a way out from the anguish.

"You turn to substances that don't help," he says. "They can temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will eventually cause more harm."

Advice for Managing as a New Father

• Talk to someone - if you feel swamped, confide in a friend, your spouse or a professional about your state of mind. Doing so may to ease the pressure and make you feel less isolated.
• Keep up your interests - keep doing the pursuits that allowed you to feel like yourself before becoming a parent. It could be exercising, meeting up with mates or gaming.
• Look after the physical health - eating well, staying active and when you can, getting some sleep, all are important in how your mind is faring.
• Connect with other parents in the same boat - hearing about their stories, the difficult parts, and also the good ones, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Remember that requesting help isn't failing - prioritising yourself is the optimal method you can support your loved ones.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen understandably struggled to accept the death, having had no contact with him for years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's resolved not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his boy and instead give the safety and nurturing he did not receive.

When his son threatens to have a meltdown, for example, they practise "shaking the feelings out" together - managing the frustrations in a healthy way.

Both Ryan and Stephen state they have become improved and more well-rounded men because they faced their issues, altered how they express themselves, and figured out how to regulate themselves for their children.

"I am now more capable of… dealing with things and dealing with things," explains Stephen.

"I wrote that in a letter to Leo last week," Ryan shares. "I wrote, at times I think my job is to guide and direct you what to do, but in reality, it's a exchange. I'm learning just as much as you are through this experience."